God, are you asleep? Or do i just keep failing.

Its been a while.
A long while at that

Oh God, I find myself growing closer to some people.
But i find myself in Selfish, self destroying, relation destroying habbits
Lord, I thought these things were gone?
I thought these were things of the past?

I pray to you night after night
to take them away, take them away
To stregthen me, to be fruitful, and just in your eyes
To remove these fears, these problems
THese sins against U, against those around me, and even myself

I continue to hurt myself more than I help myself?

God are you asleep? or can You just not hear me?!
GIve me faith like the prostitue, faith enough to touch you.
Give me that great cloud of witnesses to love me, and prune me.
Lord, break these earthly habbits
These binding sins,
Destroy who i am, give me the faith that i need to win this.

God are you asleep?
God if youre awake, take away these pains
God if youre awake take away these sins of mine
God break me and Take me.

the past few days have been amazing

And God's definately moved, and shown me in many ways how he loves me, whether through strengthening friendships, or bringing in a certain special someone. God puts us in the right place at the right time.

Thats all i got tonight

!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK HERE LOOK HERE!

The other day i was playing Some Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time. (N64 game). Its pretty much the coolest game of all time. THere's literally only one thing about it I dont like. this little faerie follows you around the entire time. and YELLS LISTEN!  and it usually is trying to give you a hint at what to do. BUT is usually more annoying than anything.

This lead to some thinking.
How much noise is really in my life?
How much is being shoved in my face SO constantly.
And how much of that is SUPER self centered.
This media that surrounds everyone. cant just be one thing.
when youre on Facebook. ADDS are everwhere, on the benefits for you of whatever. Youre not doing one thing. youre perceiving tons of things.
With these noises and distractions, why are there so many?
Think about it, a simple check of the facebook, to see if that certain someone commented on your status, or sent you a message, and BAM! 3 chat windows opened, 3 adds taht are changing ever button click, and woah there you go, someone sending you a youtube link w/ 14 suggestions on the side, and an advertisement playing b4 you can even hear one stinking song. IT IS ALL trying FOR YOUR ATTENTION!
This all takes away from something much greater.
There is something, waiting for you to run away from all this though. Waiting for you to call on it, and it alone, and stir up some thoughts in your mind, to bring you closer to him.  To bring ideas of what each and every person should do, that WILL take them out of their comfort zone.
Yet we fade it out. WIth thousands of things. daily.

Silence. Heard of it? (eh eh, see what i did there?)

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him -- Psalm 37: 7


The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin proverbs 10:8


These show us, that this constant bombardment is wrong.


I ask you. today tomorrow, SOON! Go be silent, and just ask the Lord, reveal yourself to me, Show yourself to me, Show me your will.


Do it, and wait, just wait for 20 min. Chill and wait, put the phone away. turn off the computer, Go outside, go away to where there isnt a bajillion *legit number* things calling your name, and listen.


LIsten to the silence.


Let it move in you. Let God show himself to you.
Moments like these, where I honestly want to hear God, are how I know he's REal. Are how I feel him, and Know him, and have a friendship w/ the Savior of everything.


Go! and be silent

Trends I see, that make me laugh

Why are people who are so 'indie' exactly like everyone else?
Why do indie and folk bands, pretend to be super poor and creative because of that? you are middle class and white. -its not that bad-
I see the 'artsy' girls, they are afraid to admit they are hipsters
Why's everyone afraid to be a hipster?!
Whats so wrong with a title?
And then once a title is placed on someone, why do they quit being themselves, as if they cannot betray the title?

Hmmm.....
why are the so called, 'tough guys' at shows unable ot take a joke?
Why do they also get super emotional about girls? and then blow up at people and then seclude themselves to just girls to gossip/showtheir soft side.... SCARY!!

Why do people insist that saying the F word is so udderly terrible, and then tell me to calm the F down?
Isnt using a letter to mean the word, the same as saying the word?
This seems illogical to me.

Howcome, when telling people 'were all equal' and then we turn around, see a person who has either had an abortion, or doenst agree w/ us on a minor theological debate (when far bigger things are happening in thsi world), or see someone in jail, or someone who has done drugs, or even OD'd on them, and we immediately say well at least i didnt do that. Or we see how much some people give, and say well, i give more time, i can give less money?  We say all equal, and then in our minds, develop these hurts for others to better ourselves.

Just things i notice.  If only, I can learn to love, I'd love to say i never judge others, or that I dont mess up. However, thats not true, I still fail in these, constantly. I hold grudges, i get salty, i struggle.

God teach me to love, for i am flawed

This week

Is about to be crazy stressful.
SO if you think of me,
shoot me a prayer
shoot me a text if u dont believe in the same views as me jsut to encourage me,
I hope i get through this w/ good grades.
Thanks!

Christians have killed a God of love.

By how we act, I say WE because i'm no better than anyone else.
And i regret that I cannot be a better person.
As God grows in me, it fixes things, but i will never be the perfection until another time that I seek out.

But I find these issues that bother me.

How can Christians be so homophobic?!
We rage over someone being gay, and so what if its a sin?! why do we keep arguing over it?! why cant we love them anyways? How is someone who is gay any worse than all the pastors who cheat on their wives, and go home and watch porn?  How is a homosexual in the church any worse than the amount of lies, and gossip that spread around churches so quickly?
Does this person make you uncomfortable? I assure you this, Jesus loves them anyways, as he does you in your sins.  And i'll look past it, and love someone anyways.

How can we be so pro life, yet hurt the women who have had an abortion so much? and Support Wars?
I have been yelled at for supporting democrats who dont want war, b/c they supported pro-choice.  how is that any different? pro life means you have to be anti war?! thats the killing of people.
Redemption is larger than we realize. And we refuse to allow that.
I could never kill a man. even in war.

Lastly on my rantage post.
Is how can this white collar rich development Christianity stay so comfortable wasting money on so many things that are solely for fun?  When there are people in the neighborhoods around us, who cant eat, who cant afford to pay the bills.  Yet we choose to ignore them, to stay comfortable?
How can we be so supportive of capitalism?! which is showing us that the rich get richer, and the poor are getting poorer.  We hear the word socialism and associate it w/ sin, and hate it.  Look at acts. the Disciples live it out in small communities.
However I wouldn't want to rely on the government to change these things.
I see people like Shane CLaiborne and the Simple Way, and I wish to do my best to be a part of something liek that someday.  Reachign the poor. Its a beautiful thing.
If we'd share, we could supply to everyone.
But no, we hoard our riches.

I wanna be this change, just right now, i dont know how.
But I do believe in A God who can do this.
Who can sort out the hearts of the lost, and those who do not even think they are lost.
I am no better than anyone.

simplicity

Just be glad in the Lord and Worship him.
Lord make me do this.
Get rid of my complexities
And allow me to just smile and worship you.