i'm just like isreal

You ever notice, those times of growth, that seem surreal?
Ya know when u go like a month without stopping from smiling?
then out of nowhere.

A sin creeps up on you.
Not like the roaring lion, because youre prepared to fight that off with your stock sermon armor of God.
But it finds its way through a small crack in your protection. and creeps its whole way around your body.
It is that first thought, of judging a person as worse than you in church, because you've been growing so much.
Then maybe its that second thought, where you want to reem someone out for the wrongs they've done to you, not realizing how wrong you've been to them.  Then maybe that third thought, is when you look at that person with longing eyes just for a minute too long as they walk by.  Then you turn around, and do your best to respect her, even though she was the equivalent of a television show for your eyes a second go.

This sin, it finds its way in.
When were fighting the BIG battles.
It sneaks in from a tv show, or a joke.
It finds its way in through a song that brings up old memories.
Or in a movie that has content you did not know about going into it.
It deteriorates our armor.
It takes the battle were fighting, and makes it a losing battle.

then out of nowhere.
You stop enjoying worship. and you do everything you can to comeback to where you were, just a week ago.
Ya know. you start fighting the battle for yourself.
Instead of letting God fight the battle.
Its funny, as soon as we lose a little sight of God, because of sin seperating us. we immediately feel this need to fix it ourselves.

WHAT THE HECK ARE WE GONNA DO!? REALLY?!
really zeke.
You just messed up your walk with God.
and you expect yourself to turn it around.
Come on man, you've heard this all before.
You wont fix anything.
Youre the one who messed it all up.


Thankfully. that is just how i see myself in those times.
God sees me differently.  God sees me and sees everything he will do through me. not my failures.
And thankfully. God picks me up.
God starts to fight this fight for me.  And work out the 'big' and 'little' sins.
you see we need not to fight this. but to grow in God and stand up for ourselves as much as possible.

We have a God who has won the battle already.
HE stinking transcends existence.  I think he's won the battle we cant even fight by ourselves for us.

SO then the question is what do we do about this?
Because day to day we need to continue to work on how to better ourselves.

Well it can be summed up in the title of one worship song.
(seriously how cliche is this? zeke you can do better :P)

We were made for you (God).  We love God. in the song hosanna, it says when we see you we find strength to face the day.  God, you've won the battle, and you continue to fight for us in our growing. We were made for you, help us to live out that wholeness.

--Your Beloved Son

post 100

i'm afraid i've hurt a friend
Dont let this be the end
God to these wounds you'll tend

words

How many times do we as Christians refer to the creator of all things at Lord.

Yet we don't even think of what that word really even means.

Lord, according to dictionary.com means, "a person who has authority, control, or power over others; amaster, chief, or ruler."


Now when we refer to God, as our Lord and savior. it brings a different thought to mind.


We think of the savior part so much. how much God has changed us, and how God will bring us into Heaven instead of this idea of a dominating being.  Lord is the word for a servant or slave owner.  Now God lets us live our own lives. so he is not like one of them, but maybe. 

Maybe
We christians should start looking to God as a Lord.  a Being that needs to have control over us.  


Our tongues are something that kill us.  I gossip all the time and need to grow out of this.  God is to be our Lord. and the Word says that the tongue is like a double edged sword.  In order to tame our tongue, i believe we need help from our Lord. to help control us, and through us, our tongues.


So many times throughout scripture it says, they spoke and people knew it was the word of the Lord.  Or people knew that I am God (from GOd's view).  I believe, we need to let the Lord, control  us more.  Let God own us.  


Through his ownership. comes true freedom.

wanderer o' wanderer

I'm wandering,
idk where to go
Just wandering
with nowhere to go
God, stop my wandering

when did this happen?

I thought i was over this.
This thorn in my side

God, i know you'll remove it
Someday
Someday I'll be that man
that man i'm supposed to be

Am i a man now?
Have i got what i wanted?
The world has fed me what a man is

But i know
God, youre something  bigger
You know something better for me.
For the others too

God make me a man now?
Let me do what you've wanted

hate

Why is everyone so filled with hate?
I just want to see something Great.
God end this hate

trainwreck

I find myself here at a weird
place in life.
An intersection i've grown to hate
As this is too many years waiting here.

Its weird though
I havent been waiting still
this crossroads is huge.
Its that leap
into the patterns of life
I'd like to say i have things together
But i doubt i ever will

You see
I believe in a God who loves
and loves
and continues to love
But his people. continually push me away
SO i've been wandering

I'm the wanderer, who happens to be a trainwreck.
Wanderer oh wanderer,
I hope you find your way(Come Wind lyrics)
Thats me.
Still figuring out my way.

I fear growing up
I dont wanna get there
NEver to be stuck in my ways.

It scares me more than i've ever known
Just the thought,
Of cleaning up who i am
Being the man
The man that I wish i was.
that I doubt I'll ever be.

You see.
I go to a christian school
and i major in business.
But it scares me.
In my classes i learn nothing but  greed.
And i constantly see christians
Who only care for themselves

Sharing nothing.
When will we take care of each other?
God, i'm at this crossroads
Struggling to see you
and with why you made me a businessmajor?
God, is this right for me?

I just dont think it is
you see, i'm not just at a crossroads,
But i'm at a crossroads,
with 2 trains
That wrecked.
I'm a trainwreck.

Trying to combine
The God that i love
The punk kid that i am
And the business major.

3 contradictions.
God's gonna do something with this trainwreck

Trainwreck.
Watch it become something amazing.
Praise God

my progression of thoughts are weird

Sometimes, i get these strange ideas.
Most the time, though, i ignore it.
however, this idea stuck with me.
I'm going to write a book.
On a relationship with God
And being a punk.
And about GOd's work in me.
'to save a punk'
Starting interviewing people for part of it tomorrow.

swings

Everyday
Everyday i try and swing
swings, a place to pray
Where God brings me his voice
These swings
everyday i swing
Just to bring
me joy.
thank God for the swings

i dont have the time to rhyme with this one

When was the last time
We spoke for ourselves?
When was the last time
We let each other in?
Because honestly
I think we all act too pretty
The women wake up
And immediately do their make up
And the men
We act up every now and then
With our fake smiles
And a confidence we dont even believe in
I think we all act too pretty
When one does let the walls come down
Its ugly, gross, and we view hem as less
When that person.
That person is in fact the beauty
Of being set free
From the pretty.
That we all pretend to be
Honestly, i think we all act too pretty

me

Sometimes, i'm not myself
Make me, me
God just let it be
I know it won't
Until completely
I let you set me free

2 more yet again

I've gone back to ole ways
Ways, i've strayed from for days
God will i ever be hole?
If only God, if only


Fathers have you seen your daughters?
Fathers have you loved your daughters?
If you dont, he will
Dont let your daughters replace you.
Fathers, have you seen your daughters?

impatient

Go go go
Its all i know
Stop. listen. i need this

Burning

Back to the start
I've fought this fight
Just one too many a time
God
Throw me into the fire
Just so i might
Comeback a man this time