New years resolution

I have a few of these actually, and Yes i know this a few days ahead of time but i'm posting them now.

1. Read my Bible every single day, not letting a single day slip by.
2. Lose some weight, how much TBD (shooting for at least 20 and keeping it off though) (more of a this semester goal)
3. Start reading other things for fun also.
4. (in correlation to 3) Read Harry potter 2, 3 and 4
5. Keep grades up
6. Post at least 2 times a week, every week
7. More are TBD but these are the main six

christmas

happy birthday Jesus, im sorry for how i've acted for o so long.  THank you for your forgiveness. now change me for the better.

Thanks, your pal zeke.

time for something fun

This is me trying to cut some seriousness out of my life.  I've been thinking too much lately and i thought this would be funny.  if anyone finds this offensive i'm sorry, ITS ALL IN SARCASM, and any names on here, the person reading it should be able to laugh that they are someone on this list.

anyways this is a list of people i wanna punch in the throat, (but never actually would)

1. Freddie MIlla (talldarkandugly.blogspot.com)
2.Carrot Top
3. everyone in CHiodos (b/c they kicked craig owens)
4. every 440 hardcore/metal kid
5. Emily Reich
6. Russell Large (Check)
7. Simon Cowell (the tough guy act isnt funny anymore get over yourself)
8. ANyone ever who has run a record label ('cept Fat Mike)
8. Leonardo Di Caprio (spelling?)
9. Dane Cook, because I wanna see him run in a circle for 20 minutes trying to tell a story about it afterwords while he calls it a joke
10. Every Fox news crew member
11. my roommate
12. The people who used to be the higher ups at Circuit City
13. Every President.... ever....
14.... this list is much longer... but i'm getting bored

sometimes....

The mind takes too much control,
And I lose sight of what really matters
And as my brain wonders
I think too much
about things that dont
even mean that much
(this isnt a poem, i just like hitting enter)
And i get sidetracked,
and i stop posting on my blog
Because I havent been focusing on God
ANd have continually been messing up.
One of these days i'll get back to posting regularly, for now
SLeep
ZZZZZ
zzzz
ZZZ
zz
Z...

so umm....

I have alot of things i wanna post about, but i havent been in the word as much since Christmas break started, hopefully fixing this, and posting on those lyrics, and then a different song that I love. ummm yeah. so there will be more coming in a little!

Lyrics tonight

I'll post thoughts on these another night, i'm not in the mood to explain thoughts or anything, but here's a song thats awesome
Silence the opressors by impending doom

To the following Christians listen closely.
We bring our light to a new realm, a realm you dare not enter,
Passing judgment behind stone walls, behind your absence of understanding.
We will crush your walls that dictate where our ministry goes,
Don't you ever tell me I'm using God as a gimmick.
I'm not a heretic, I'm not a hypocrite;
Those insults make me sick from the ones I have fellowship with.
We aren't doing this for our own, but for one name holy and alone.
These venues are our church,
We are the gospel in the darkness, and this is our exaltation.
We are the gospel in the darkness; we bring our light to a new realm,
A realm you dare not enter, passing judgment behind stone walls,
Behind your absence of understanding.
Are you listening!!!
We'll crush the walls that dictate where our ministry goes,
This is our church, this is our worship, GORSHIP!

(PISSED)

I had a talk w/ a financial advisor today, and needless to say, the love of money is overrated, God does not show love to you by giving you money, READ YOUR BIBLE CHRISTIANS! why the heck would God give u money if he says its harder for a rich man to be saved than a camel to go through the eye of a needle?!  The love of money is for idiots, live moment by moment.  There has to be a better way to manage money and live life.

Growing up sucks, and only ever planning for one's future is super stressing, and causes people to lose touch of who they are right now, and stop being themselves....

--proving there's a better way to live than following money--

My socialism paper...

I did this paper a week or so ago, and I have found that it isnt 100 percent what my view is, mainly b/c i was meeting a paper's requirement.  I hope you all enjoy it.  Ummm idk how else to introduce this.  I have a bunch of different stuff I wanted to say to.  But this is lets say a prototype on how i View biblical economy.

The ways of trade have changed throughout the years, and have eventually lead to different money systems throughout the world.  These all tend to have problems, and the current economy of capitalism that America follows has shown in recent years to cause a major recession among the people.  This has lost many jobs for people, and put many families in bad situations, and has made the economy something that everyone thinks about daily.  There are many opinions on the topic of money, and how to deal with it, but the ways of trade and exchange are shown throughout the Bible, and the ideas of capitalism and keeping one’s own property is not always accurate to a Christian life, but often socialism is shown throughout the New Testament.

            In Acts 2: 42-47 is a description about how the followers of Jesus in the earliest church lived, and can be described as, a living of throwing off all the world had to offer, and only praising the Lord.  The people would sell all possessions, and supply to one another as one needed, and the number of people praising the Lord continued to grow (NIV).  Socialism can be defined as, “Social and economic doctrine that calls for public rather than private ownership or control of property and natural resources.  According to the socialist view individuals do not live or work in isolation but live in cooperation with one another” (Socialism).  These two things seem to be very closely related.  In this Christian community shown in Acts the people constantly grew in numbers, meaning people were doing what Jesus had commanded, going and making disciples.  The people lived together in praise for the Lord, and not for themselves.  The people shared the resources they had, and got rid of the extras that were not needed.

            One of the biggest problems people face today is the Healthcare bill that has been passed this past march, by Barack O’Bama, and the United States Congress. One thing all people need, or will need is some sort of help for each person’s health.  This has lead to a problem, in that many times people go to a hospital uninsured, this has been tempted to be solved through the this healthcare bill.  One of the biggest problems with the bill is that people were afraid of a large raise in taxes, and that the tax money would then be used to help fund abortions.  According to www.Whitehouse.gov, “The health insurance reform legislation maintains the status quo of no federal funding for abortions, except in the cases of rape, incest or when the life of the woman is endangered” (Get the Facts) And it has also explained that there will be credits from small and large businesses so that the people of America are not taxed heavily for the spreading of Healthcare to protect all people.  Romans 12:13 says, “Share with people who are in need. Practice hospitality” (NIV).  This shows that people who are in need should be helped.  Why can one not pay a few extra tax dollars to help keep the person next to them alive?

            In an excerpt on kindness, it is shown that what people desire the most is for others to sacrifice for one’s self.  While this is human of us, true Christianity is shown in sacrificing one’s desires, time, and materials for someone else (Collins).   This sacrifice one makes for someone else can be shown through socialism.  People work together, and for each other, and that shows that one person is gaining the food that one eats, and however his work is helping to supply the people around him.  This means that he has sacrificed for them, and shown them one of the fruits of the spirit, kindness.  Collins follows his thoughts on sacrifice up with the Proverbs 19:22, “ the desire of man is his kindness, but the poor man is better than a liar” (NIV).  This has shown that man wants to be treated kindly, and that a way of doing so is through self-sacrifice. 

            In a capitalist economy, man works for his own money, and to gain more things, while in a socialistic economy man works to have a life, and live equally to the man next to him.  This brings about I Timothy 6:10 which says, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (NIV).  This shows that many thirsts for money, and wants more.  Man will do what it takes to have this money, and let greed take over.  Man can very easily walk into a capitalist economy and continue to work harder for money, however in a socialistic view, man does his daily job, and moves on with life, as everyone is getting paid.  The idea of socialism can help one flee from the temptations of greed, and the ones that follow greed.  Mary Fairchild describes fleeing temptation as five simple steps, which are recognizing the problem, run away from the problem, resist the problem by reading the word, refocusing on God with praise, and repenting soon after a failure.  The point to expand upon is the second of running away from the problem.  It says that in seeing the problem, move as far away from the problem as possible (Fairchild).  If man is faced with greed, remove the ability for man to continue to work for more money, and ability to gain things in his life.  Why not take man and put a limit on what he can do, and the rest of the work is shared.  This makes man have to live a life without greed.

            “The most important principle to keep firmly in mind is to understand whose money we are talking about. It’s not yours. If you are married, it’s not your mate’s. It is God’s,” is a statement that helps one deal with the idea of ones money not being one’s own (Acknowledge).  This idea of everything being God’s or not even one’s own family’s money is something hard to handle.  However this comes in to play with socialism.  When one realizes the money he or she owns is not his or hers, one can more easily share that money with another person.  Everything is God’s, and all people are people who were created by God, and he loves them and has created each of them in His own image.  This is a basic principal of Christianity, and when one sees another person in Christianity who is hurting, how can one not see that person as God does, and understand that sacrificing some money for that person could help them in more ways than one knows?  If all money is already God’s then should that money should be used for what God wants done in this world.  Psalm 34:1 states, that the earth and everything of it, and everyone in the world are all God’s (NIV).  This can help one acknowledge that the money one owns is not actually his or her own, but money that should be put to the good use of the Lord.

            Lastly the thoughts about this have come to show that it would require everyone to be a part of this new lifestyle, of continually giving to those around one.  One would have to learn to be entirely unattached to money, and this would not work on a national scheme because not all people are Christians, and not all people are close enough to God to give up everything one owns.  This has come to show that it could work in small Christian communities.  It seems more like a church should be a community of people who live near each other and put the funds, and work towards helping one another along in life, instead of allowing one person to live a poor very hard life, while one person lives easily with many riches.  The church is what should be a socialistic idea, and socialism is the ideal of life, however we are all humans, who have all fallen from the Lord, so this is not entirely possible.

            Money is a hard topic for many to deal with, and the culture of America has continually grained into many people’s heads that if one works hard, one will make much money with one’s life, and to do what it takes to do this.  This is where culture has influenced many Christians, as people continue to grow in Christ, people tend to realize this about money, and slowly give more, whether to the church, or to the poor families down the road from where one lives, and God wants each person to become more unattached to this earthly view of money, and allow a life of sharing and helping to take control.

Another post right after that one, on some thoughts about my brother's bloggity

Talldarkandugly.blogspot.com is my brother's sense of humor displayed through art, as I read it daily, or however often i see a new post. something catches my eye, and some simple, but lessons that all people need to be reminded of have hit me recently.  THeres a picture of a cigarette box w/ french fries in it, and a lighter titled ketchup.  These remind me of what is really happening in our nation.  People are always up in arms about those smoking around them, and how much its killing everything.  Now i look at myself, as one of these people. How often do I eat mcdonalds? or fried food in general.  That is killing me just as fast.  There's a flaw in taht logic, that needs to be fixed.  It is a problem of lying to ourselves, and putting ourself above another person because he or she smokes? I'm no better than anyone, no one is better than me, ya know were all equal in the long run?  Stop yelling at someone for smoking, when you destroy your body with what you eat to.  Its sort of ranty, but respecting people for who each person is, is something we (me especially) need to do.

Much love
Zeph 3:17

Finals week day 1 of studying

Studying was a complete failure tonight! however i have had some wonderful conversations with some friends tonight, that was more than a blessing and relaxing for my finals. But i suppose i'll post some of my random thoughts as tonight goes on. who knows?!

Acts 7: 51-53, and Acts 7: 59 and 60.

 ⁵¹ “You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! ⁵² Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him— ⁵³ you who have received the law that was given through angels but have not obeyed it.”


and 


⁵⁹ While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.




These verses show that in trying to help fix any problems, with people, with anything, there will be opposition.  There are gonna be people who will continue to persecute one just for following the word of the Lord, and Savior.


The thoughts on this pertain to each person individually, when i say you, i mean me as well.


Who are you? are part of the group? mindlessly turning against Stephen, or are you Stephen taking the hits, and pursuing the Lord to forgive them for this.


I find myself looking at my daily interactions with people, and i suppose the majority of them are CHristians, and how do i act towards each one? why do i get angry after alot of conversations?  I find myself being unforgiving instead of looking for each message God is trying to show me through each experience daily.  All things happen for a purpose.  Every conversation, to every "huge" dramatic event in each person's life.  Really the life on earth is not that important, besides a couple major decisions, and we, these small people who blow these things way out of proportion, often hurt ourselves with obsessions with our own problems.  If our life is not that important on the grand scheme of things? why do we worry about everything SO much, instead of just living moment by moment taking on life as it comes?


WIth this i close i prayer for readers, and for myself, to grow in the ability to just live life, and not let things bother me, not stress out, and I pray for all the problems of everyone around me, that these problems will be put aside for the grand scheme of whats going on!


Bring IT ON FINALS WEEK!

My failings

I find myself here again
Relying on my strength
To go my way

I find myself here again
Throwing you away
for my own gain

I find myself here again
At the bottom
looking up through the rain

I find myself here again
In need of your hand
In order to be saved
and brought to land


Its bad, and i dont care!

All I have to say is that these are my thoughts in an attempted poem.
I find myself growing in the Lord daily, and losing struggles, however once every so many days/weeks these struggles creep back up.  The only way to move on from the things that so easily entangle my life
I must seek the Word of the Lord for strength, and not trust myself with my ability to say NO, and this is a problem.  When will i lose my pride, and defense mechanism, and just lose this to you, Father?! when will I do this?!  Your Strength, and Your Will are what i want, remind me each day, and each time i struggle to grow to rely on Your Word that you have given us.  Thank You Abba, Zeke (JONES) Miller

.... idk?!

Prayer is everything, make tomorrow prayer, make every moment a moment to relfect on you Lord, let eyes see, ears hear, mouths speak of you lord, Let me experience your love each day. all day.

A song I wrote earlier this year.

This song is very much a minor threat sounding song, if u cant hear how i wanted it to sound, then its just thoughts.

Look at everything you are,
And everyone you represent
You hide who you are so well
But i hope youre dying inside
Show me a life worth living (background yells: that you preach)

Youre so quick to preach
and so quick to cry
while you bow at your altar (and claim to change)
Look at your heart,
Look at the girl you so quickly screwed over
Can you even look her in the eyes?
Do you even care how You broke her (From what you preach)

Show me a life worth living (You never cared for her)
Show me a life worth living (You never were real)
Show me a life worth living (With how you act)
Show me a life worth living (by actual change)

Everything you speak is Love
Everything you want is revolution
But everything you do is hate

You screwed my friend
one last time,
Broke another person's spirit
From what you spoke
Verses how you live
You made your prayer public
And then you had your actions in shame

You are the pastor I hate
And no better than anyone else
Get out of the pulpit with your heresies

The worst part of it all,
Is I am this pastor I hate.

Actually i'm going to post my socialism paper next week, sorry

Thats what it will be, but i dont want to post it until its all graded and such.

There's a post coming tonight

Its a post on how i think Christians should view the economy, its not exactly what i have to say, but it's a paper i'm turning in tomorrow, but i'm posting it on here so checkback at like 2 am.

THoughts

Today's thoughts:
1. MAN I NEED TO BECOME WAY MORE OTHERS' CENTERRED
2. Less I's and Me's more you's and God's
3. really how often do i comment on myself?! its ridiculous humility i NO opinion of self not negative or positive, none at all. thats all

NOt much to tonights, but a solid thought.

This is to the Christians who say things like, "I've worked hard for what I have." or "Why should i share with them, they havent done what i have?" Or people who deny social Healthcare (REAL SOCIAL HEALTHCARE, not the in between fake social healthcare that is known as Obamacare, and is just a bunch of pages no one read)  Read Acts 2: 42-47, and Read Acts 4: 32-37.  Tell me socialism isn't the CHristian view...  It's a challenge, secondly with this challenge, give to someone this week, as an act of sharing.

Acts 4 part 1 thoughts.... no catchy title tonight.

Acts 4 opens with Peter and John, (Jesus' Disciples) being punished by the Sanhedrin for doing a miracle and claiming the power of it through Jesus the Christ.  As i read on, Some powerful things were revealed to me.
Verse 11 states that Jesus is the stone you (Sanhedrin) builders rejected, which has become the capstone.  And 12, Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.  This is showing that some of the most powerful religious leaders of the time were denying Jesus.  Going on with my current thoughts of breaking for those who destroy different cultures, I have come to realize that many times people will use God's name to obtain power, and as we all know, power corrupts.
(Why'd i put a break here? i dont know yet)
This makes me think about these religious leaders, trying to stop what they admit as fact, knowing the miracles were done through Jesus and that the population knows, they just dont want it to spread.  This is where I realize something, the corrupt in the church, need our prayer and our love, just as much as the unloved, and those who do not love need love.  This is where i need to learn to hold back my anger, and become filled with the Holy Spirit to show people God is King, and Love through Him is Real.  This is not to be glorifying to myself though, but only to God.

At the same time, I acknowledge, that i, myself, am in fact the corrupt.  For like all people I have done things I'll always regret.  (Living with no regrets is a joke, that is untrue and a lie people tell themselves)  When acknowledging that I am as corrupt as the people I want to love, I am brought down to the REAL level of where I am.  I was never above the corrupt. I am one with the corrupt who should love them as well.

I lost sight of where i was going in this post. So i believe I will end with this one thought.

Love those claiming God's name, Peter and John did, and in the end, the multitudes were praising God.  The Law could not stop the spreading of God's name, and Lord, create in me the heart Peter and John had for you in verse 20, "For we canot help speaking about what we have seen and heard"  DO this for those surrounding me daily.

Make this my prayer...

Father, as I come before you, hoping to write this in love and reverence for you; I think to myself, and pray to YOu, Lord make this your will, let your word and Love shine through it, not mine, dont let what i have to say come through.

I find myself often in a position of anger towards God, and anger towards "Christians." and I am thinking about this tonight, and it begins to bother me.  Oddly after a many days without being in the Word, my marker was at Acts 3.  As i Read this verse struck me.  A verse that many people overlook as simply a historical reminder, but really as a reminder that I myself do this to the Lord often

Acts 3:13-15
The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our fathers, has glorified his servant Jesus.  You handed him over to be killed and you disowned him before Pilate, though he had decided to let him go.  You disowned the Holy and Righteous One and asked that a murderer be released to you.  You killed the author of life, but God has raised him from the dead.  We are witnesses of this.


This reminds me, why am i so angry?!

Instead of a ministry to punks, a ministry needs to be made to those who so quickly diminish the punk culture.  God, develop a love for these people in me, instead of a hatred.  When i see the trials, and people talking down on it, Lord, Show them love through me.

This is God reminding me, It is not Him i am angry with, but it is often my own fault, for choosing the murderer to be set free with me that I am angry.

I find myself asking the Lord to show me how i choose the murderer over him.  And how to help me to stop, as I am praying he helps whoever reads this, see how each of you chooses the murderer instead of Jesus to live.

With love, the kid who hasnt posted in far too long!

Not posting

Its been thanksgiving break, so i havent been posting,
I've sort of fallen out of my habitual devotions, so if u are a regular reader pray for me about that. More posts this week coming hopefully!

Time

Time has taken its tole
And slowly destroyed your role
I hate watching as your grow ole'

Youre never gonna save me

My thoughts on the closed minds of one culture towards another culture:

This is no particular order and may come off rather ranty, sorry.

I'll try to begin at the start the reason i am posting this.
1. I am a Christian, and i believe in respecting others where they are at, and what culture they come from.  Its called caring about people.
2. I love punk music, and i enjoy hardcore shows, and the type of pit that goes on at them.
3. Often times hardcore is more accepting towards my actions then Christians.

This past Saturday I went to see a band named A Plea for Purging.  One of the few bands who i can say did not use the fact that they are Christians to get signed, but at actually awesome musicians.

I'm going to begin this with the verse,
To the feeble, I was as one who is feeble, so that they might have salvation: I have been all things to all men, so that some at least might have salvation.  I Corinthians 9:22


Now onto what I want to say.  AT this show I did what a kid like me would do at any metal show. Goof off and have fun.  In the previous shows i've been to rarely has someone gotten hurt and people have all just enjoyed themselves.  However as i look around the people who are clearly a part of that church are allowed to swing as hard as they want at me and my friends, however as soon as we have fun there's a huge problem.  As the night goes on i continue to barely even mosh but instead do things like the mocarina, rollover, put my sweater over my head and do a cartwheel, have my friend nate jump on my back and run in a circle.  the point is all things that hurt not a single person.  Yet at each of these things security had a problem with me.  I'm sorry here's what i dont FREAKING UNDERSTAND how can you claim youre accepting hardcore kids, when youre church kids are allowed to swing at us as hard as they want but as soon as i have fun that hurts nobody i get in trouble.  And you claim a Savior that becomes what other people are (without sinning) to show them love? and That there's a better way?


This is where i see the problem.  This church, like many others i've noticed, has found themselves to be fooling themself into thinking they are accepting the hardcore community.  And honestly, they'd never save a kid like me. I can promise you that.  This is an attempt at trying to take hardcore kids and bring them to a church.  The church allowed kids to not even smoke outside the building.  If you have kids who want to smoke, or are addicted to smoking, they will NOT show up to your show because of that.  Oh hey, there's a way of pushing away their culture.  Why cant they smoke outside? its not gonna harm your church? In fact it will show that you love that kid if they do smoke.  Secondly a hardcore show is supposed to be like a party a bunch of people just having fun and enjoying thsmelves.  Thats part of the culture.  Please understand that.  Honestly it was as if that church was trying to save a person who's poor and scraping for food daily, while wearing a Brand new suit.  It just wont happen.  To save hardcore culture you have to respect what it is.  While i would have understood if they were mad at me for moshing on kids as hard as i can, I was not doing that i was simpy goofing around.  There's no reason for a person to get thrown out of a venue for having fun that hurts no one.


I dont want to end this without a solution.  I believe There is a God, and That God loves kids.  I want this God to be at shows, and I want shows to be a part of churches, however when a church expects kids to change their lifestyle just because of the building the show is, I realize how judgemental CHristians are of people on the outside.  The change I see has to happen in people, and through loving them, regardless of how they act.  If someone's at your church, they in fact are a person.  Each person has had their own hard way, if they have bad habbits stop, PLEASE stop viewing them as a 'sinner' and view them as an equal who just hasnt accepted a gift, because honestly how that show went down continued to push me away from the CHristian church yet again..

The Malone Surfer

I decided against the bad sketch for this one.  SO i will just make a few lists about the kids then a paragraph.
First off. Clothing
1. plaid shirt... MUST be from H and M, or PacSun, or American Apparel
2. Jeans $60+
3. Thin Rim glasses, even if they dont need one
4. Stylish Haircut, probably a bad fohawk.
5. Skate shoes. not beat up ones though, unless beat up is currently what every friend is wearing at once
6. Longboard in hand
7. Macbook at hand... WTF?! why do u own a mac? You dont do anything artsy and a PC would have been better for what you are doing with your computer as a business major... o yeah you needed to waste some money.(it saddens me that all the artists who could use a Mac cant afford them, however all the kids who dont need a mac at all waste their money on them.

This kid can often be find with his "BROs" having a mandate.  This would involve a long day of longboarding around campus and talking down on all the other kids.  These kids are a minority, but they are clearly all the campus cares about as the Big shots on campus.  This kid is very much loved at church and comes off as that perfect Christian Child.  I mean after all that christian girl in class, clearly is a virgin, making her all the more worthwhile, and if you play your cards right you can 'fix' that.  To get that perfect christian girl who is crazy sheltered and probably hasn't even done so much as kiss a boy, you have to look so nice and clean cut that she'll let you in.  You break through all the walls by telling her how cute she is, and how much she'll help you grow in God.... Thats not really on your mind stay away from my friends and gain some respect (just saying).  You end up finally getting her, and then these kids do not fully commit, by not making it known, so they can have their back up other innocent girls they fed the same exact lies to on call.  sorry i'm getting on a rant.  They are D bags to girls that try and live a Christian life. End of that point.  The major is probably a music production major, because they dont care because daddy back home is paying for the education, so if i get a degree that doenst get a job it doesnt matter right?  The classes that are taken that do however matter there is no studying done, just complaining about the proffessor because if "i look this nice for class, it shouldnt really matter right?"  Chances are you'll find this kid playing soccer and wishing he was as cool as any of the guys on Jersey shore.  While coming off as totally loving who you are, and being the nicest person to you at the front to gain more friends, as soon as you leave the room your name is shot down the toilet and youre the latest reason for the surfer boy to laugh.  He laughs at how much your life is worse than his, and thus makes Malone feel more and more like a high school... O wait, this person often complains about Malone feeling like high school.  When they realize that they are the ones creating the high school feeling something should happen, but no when that thought comes in their head they shrug it off and make fun of some 'lower person' to feel better again.

I hope this is taken in sarcasm by all readers. I just have fun!

Was gonna post

I was going to post on how i view culture has destroyed the american woman, how everytime i go to a church i hear incorrect theology about money and how christians should handle it... (read the ends of ACTS 2) OR what i was going to read in my devotions today.... or possibly the malone scene kid would pop up on here... or the malone indie kid... or the malone surfer... or the malone daddy's little girl... idk these are all ideas... instead tomorrow i will post pictures from a Plea for Purging concert, and a sumarization of anything sweet there, and possibly a picture of my shoes i've been coloring

ummm i just realized this

All of my posts that are the different malone cliques or stereotypes, WILL in fact include the i'm better than you part in some way or another, b/c thats how all malone students act... its jsut a thought ahead of time.  (all being generalizing)

An old song that meant alot.

This is an old Note i had posted on my Facebook way back.  And i was thinking about it so i'm posting it on here to get different feedback.

hey, after deleting all my notes, i have decided to write a new one.

This is inspired by a song on underOATH's new(est, not really new anymore) CD Lost in the Sound of Seperation, the song being Anyone dig a whole but it takes a real man to call it a home.

I'm no leader I'm just a mess

It's not the way it's supposed to be

It's just the way that it is

I'm afraid we are all victims here

And the one whose in charge

I've lead us all astray again

Oh, how the plot thickens!

Are we too far gone?

Are we too far gone?

We always assume the worst

We always assume the worst

I'm afraid no ones listening anymore

I'm freaking out

I'm so sick

I'm making me sick

Don't look down

Don't look down

The only thing in my way is myself

I'm just thinking out loud

I'm just thinking

How can I still be alive

I shoulda been gone so long, so long ago

I can't get away from it all

I messed up like I always do

I gave you nothing

I took you nowhere

You're still listening

I gave you nothing

I took you nowhere

You're still listening

The world around me

Has taken a turn for the worst

I'm left alone

Climbing to the top

Should I jump should I stay

Can I make another day

Should I jump should I stay

I am the one whose wrong x4

God forgive me

The background to this album/song is that Spencer Chainberlain the lead vocals, used to be complete and total druggie. He had told the band that he was having relapses. At this time the person they all looked to, and that was their leader had fallen. Being a band that constantly claims God and stands up for Him trhough much persecution this was a major letdown for all of them. After almost breaking up this CD was formed basically around Spencer's dealing w/ drug addictions from his past.

anyways, the song really hit me one night as i was praying and listening to them as the bands last Cd was a major part in the story of my salvation (Define the Great Line).

As it starts off, he is pointing out that no matter how much like a leader, or w/e he looks like, he's still humans, he still messes things up.

This is a problem i think ALL of us have. We all pretty much do not notice that people are in fact human. I, and im pretty sure many others, often lift people up to levels much higher than can be humanly achieved.

From here he moves on to say that his problems have many effects on those around him. IE "we are all victims here." It really makes me think about how much any sin in our lives really affects those around us. After coming out of a fairly crappy situation i have really seen lately how it affects everyone around you. There are people attempting to fix problems, those on one side hating you, and those on another totally backing you up.

Is this really how our problems should be handled? as i sitback and think, what ever happened to foregiveness? or respecting someone for his or her different views?

well anyways the song goes on, basically to describe everyone backing out on him.

People often feel this way, either where it hasnt happened or it has. But either way one gets that feeling alot. My problem is, i've seen it happen in churches tons of times. Not just specific single churches, i've heard stories from siblings, churches i have visitted, friends i've seen. This really makes me start to ask myself, is this really how CHristians should be acting? In a place where God is to come first, why shoudl someone feal left out? Why does someone have to feel almost, if not entirely, abandoned by those claiming so much of a loving lifestyle? Why is it that when someone has a slightly differeing view, his thoughts are immediately shut out, or he/she is ignored by groups of people b/c they are differnet. Is the message being preached of love. Is ignoring someone really loving?

I'll admit it first, i'm not perfect, I AM NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT. But as soon as you start acting better than me, WE will have a problem.

Lastly the song ends with,

I am the one who was wrong,

God forgive me

Since God is perfect and going ot forgive, why won't we? I mean honestly we cant have hurt each other so much that we cant possibly foregive one another. since everytime we hurt each other it hurts our creator? its impossible to have done that.

I've seen too many people hurt in churches, for simple thigns like a fight, a couple, a different view, or whatever. Where is love in htis?

No one is better than the next.

I am going to be finding a place i belong.

Lets talk, leave a comment, text me, whatever, i prefer talking in person though, tooooooo many mixconeptions on facebook but i will comment back wen idk when we'll see each other.

A drawing and a prayer.

I drew this a few weeks ago, again the artistic value of it i dont care for that much, however i wrote out some of what was bothering me as the background of a kid saying to leave your mark. and this is what the back of it says.

....And do you ever have those days when you wake up asking why am I here? You look around yourself seeing nothing but corruption? You see that everything around you; Is nothing like you. The people around you, the things you constantly with you, continue to bring you down. The people claiming to follow a God of Love, continue to hurt you. Because you in fact are different.  You find a culture based on hate loves you so much more.  A continual disbelief occurs among people who should be set apart by love, the hate is more loving.  Lord I ask what have your people done? But kill you, abuse your grace, and continue to push your children further away from you?  You see i find myself here, lost in love, yet unable to find you.  Sometimes how different I am feels wrong.  Feels as if your people dont want me.  Sometimes Lord, I hate everything and everyone around me.  Yet when all the corrupt, and evil are lying while claiming your name,  I can come to you.  And you, only YOU can teach me to love the people suppressing (for lack of better word coming to my mind as I wrote this) me.  I find myself daily finding my joy in your.  Sovereign Father because you see the world has nothing for me.  The world often drags me away from you, yet you, are love. Sorry for I misrepresent you just as much.


He's posting leave your mark to say be original, do what you do, and leave an impact that mattered.

last post of the night

YO! I'm gonna start doing some photography i think! and i want some tips, anything you got, and any programs i should download for editing features! please and thanks, i'm using a basic digital camera, to many fun nights shooting! again etmiller1@gmail.com subject photo tips please!

My basic sketch of a malone Theology student

If you dont read the sarcasm in this and CANNOT take a joke dont bother looking at this post.
And yes i know, i lack much artistic skill, but i like having fun, i know much of him is disproportionate, but i enjoyed doodling him in a bout 10 min at 2 am.

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Alright, i know what i wrote is not legible so i'm gonna explain each one top to bottom.
1. Short hair, as all pastors should
2. Glasses
3. Huge Grin "life is perfect" (I call it the i'm not a real person anymore smile)
4.  Button down everyday, and a stance of i'm better than you, they call it confidence
5. The Book to condemn your daily life with!!! I mean a Bible on hand
6.Jeans, Probably an expensive pair, and definitely a relaxed fit

You'll probably find these people circulating the girls dorms during the permitted hours, and making sure they are just "good friends" with all of them.  Continually saying they do not date just to date, but to see if that is the single person set aside for them to marry. Yet they seem to have a new girlfriend or boyfriend each semester, even when they are not officially dating, they just spend every waking moment with them, and go on dates... and hold hands... and kiss.... yeah thats not a couple... o wait! yeah it is. Quit dillusioning yourself and thinking youre a better person because you arent 'dating.'  O yeah, and they get around, they like to think that the times they 'slip up' and screw around or go all the way are just mistakes and blame on human nature, however might I add ITS EASIER TO NOT HAVE SEX than to have it.... it involves keeping your clothes on and not doing anything.... just a thought, However the next day they'll show up at church ready to sing louder and of course a more meaningful worship song than everyone else.  Dont forget the prayer they do publically has to be much longer than anyone else's and they will only be happy when they are preaching in front of a flock of people!  O yeah, they know how to sing well, and play acoustic guitar, but only three chords, ya know worship music, its like punk but less talented.  Cant wait to see this person in front of a mega church and then come try to save me for having blue hair sitting in the back of a church, not being white collar, and happy working in a warehouse. One last thought, not all Bible Majors are the Jerk i described here, just most, i find many to actually genuinely love God and people, those ones dont fit this mold usually.

An Act of Worship. Hebrews 12:1

I sit here tonight, after a week or two of feeling stale in my relationship thinking about the day behind me, As i'm sure that as i post more and more i'll eventually share my life story from my own eyes, however this is about today.
I think of Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.


This says alot.  It is first a sentence of praise.  Stating look around you! there are tons of people around you that are so in love w/ me(God, not zeke) that you need to respond to it.  I think to myself. Man i am thankful for so many people that show me God on a daily basis.  As i went from being socailly weird growing up to this kid who is super proud that He is WHO he is.  this scenic kid who wishes he was a punk who jsut loves God.  I see that There are many sins in my life that totally tangle my walk with God. God wants me to throw these off. the anger that i build up. The lust my eyes create.  The times i just wanna cuss out every kid i see as i walk past them.  The times when insecurity creeps up, and you realize you have no control.  These are the sins that so easily entangle us. that bring us to our knees.  However, when were there. that puts us in a position that can be so useful.  That reminds us, that this life isnt for ourselves, but for God, and God alone.  That me, I AM NOTHING without God.  


and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us.  Man. I often dislike most churches. and this verse reminds me why.  The Bible does NOT say that christianity is easy.  It does not say that GOd makes everything perfect.  In fact i guarantee that life is gonna be hard, and at times it is going to suck.  I know this to be true.  But God has marked out a path for us.  SO when we see hard times.  WHen your family's unemployement has run out, and everyday you apply for jobs to hear nothing back, and the only way to get rid of this fear is to swing and pray, God ahs a plan in this. No it WILL not be easy, but God will protect you through it.  THere is this relationship with God that many people miss out on, and tonight, i totally felt it on a new level as i prayed with him, it felt almost like a conversation, we made deals, and asked how we were. It is so much different than raddling off a list that we soooo often do. Run with perserverance. run with perserverance.


What i really want to say, is that I'm thankful for all my friends, CHristian or not.  I love you all.
Today i caught up with a friend who i havent really talked to this school year and it made me extremely happy to see them.  With this i end this post with if you have prayers, E mail me Etmiller1@gmail.com  or if u know me, come find me, I WANT to pray with you, and i want to sit there and listen to you.


With this i say Goodnight, i know its basic, but its what i felt as i wrote, there might be another post tonight thats more goofy and fun, maybe a doodle or a sexist joke that i dont actually mean that i heard from a friend tonight. who knows?

Determined!

I will post at least once a week.  And the posts will be anythign form what God has been doing in my life, to my frustrations with people. to me making fun of malone, or certain whatevers. so basically i will blog something that i want to blog at least once a week keep checking back!

Start

I dont know what i'm going to do totally here, except start to express some stuff..... TBA